Imposter Syndrome

“You don’t even deserve to hold a camera let alone owning one” “Who do you think you are asking for someone to pay you for that” “Anyone with a camera could do that”

Damn I hate when these thoughts start rolling into my head. I may not fully understand why or how to stop them but I know they are coming less often the more I work on valuing and trusting myself. A huge part of that is finding out I have ADHD and have had it my whole life even if I wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. Knowing now that my brain works a little different and that is totally ok helps me know that I can lean into my uniqueness.

The other night I had something come up that had me question myself a bit. It’s normal with owning your own business to feel the pressure that all the decisions are on your shoulders. But being guiding by others in the industry helps a ton! Sadly the other night I couldn’t shake that feeling that I was ridiculous for thinking I had a seat at that table. Walking into my office usually feels me with inspiration. Seeing my cameras and lenses on the shelf, my computer on the desk ready for me to sit and work. All of these pieces look different when I let imposter syndrome in, I see my gear as evidence of my fraud, and my computer should be on someone else’s desk.

A few years ago I would have sat in those negative thoughts and beliefs but last night I was almost angry that I was having them. So I started digging for answers, help, tips really anything to help me understand and change this cycle. Luckily I found some answers and worked through a lot of thoughts and emotions. I know this isn’t an over night change but I’m more hopefully that “Imposter Syndrome” can be more of a word I know, not one I would use to describe myself.